Maintain a relationship long term is not easy. We admire and look in awe at individuals who remain married or after 30 or more years of coexistence. How do they do that? Do you have any special secret that has made them immune to divorce and separation? How to solve these smart couples their problems?
The key is, again, communication, and specifically communication with emotional intelligence. All couples go through ups and downs, discussions, phases of falling out of love, apathy or insecurity. The important thing is to discuss and overcome problems together. In fact, debate and dissent are healthy activities in a relationship, cause small changes, destructured and make the two people involved have to review its position and reconcile it with the other. It would be a kind of adjustment and readjustment daily commitment made once.
There are two ways to deal with conflicts in a relationship.
If the couple tends to fight without question, just exposing what bothers you and eluding what the other bothers you, unresolved resentments that are left “under the rug” until there is no place to hide, are saved when they have already become in tremendous frustration. The couple moves away, cools, it is encapsulated and the less shared and communicated, the less you want to share and communicate. There comes a time when the relationship no longer exists and coexistence remains, until perhaps there is even discussion, the relationship has become emotionally sterile.
However, emotionally intelligent couples have learned to discuss to grow. Of course irritated, angry, disappointed and desencuentran is, but they have the ability to find a solution to your problem through communication. That is, they know how to argue. They HEAR expose and raise of the other and have sufficient empathy to put yourself in your partner’s shoes for a moment. By love you are able to open all possible channels to solve a disagreement without damaging the other communication.
We must take the problem and not hide it, but dissect it and undo it and, of course, take the necessary measures to not return. This is an emotionally intelligent partner.
Tips for building an emotionally intelligent couples
1. Expose and listen to the problem when it arrives. Do not try to evade or ignore. The problems never go away by themselves but they grow when hidden.
2. Discuss the problem or issue calmly, without hurting or being too susceptible. Keep in mind that there are two sides, but not about each other, but both together against the problem.
3. Take care forms in the discussion, there should be no insults, hurtful words or low blows. Other means hurting him away, not a victory, it is a great loss.
4. Listen, put yourself in the shoes of the other, trying to see their point of view even if it seems absolutely wrong and try to understand why and how it has come to that conclusion.
5. Once the problem has been exposed, trying to reach a fair solution for both truth. If you feel the other yields only to please, it is not a real solution and end up being a problem.
6. The problems of the couple are of the couple. This code should be gold, ie not shared with anyone. Or with parents, siblings or best friends. Moreover, if you’re discussing something very personal with your ex, and theme try something internal between two (things of the past or issues to be resolved with children, for example), the code should remain the same way between two. Unless, of course, concerned a specialist.
Couples who can discuss and overcome their problems are those that go further together, and probably individuals that form are also successful in other areas involving communication in their lives. As relationships at work, other relatives and friends.