Routine in relationships has a very bad reputation. It is said to be the great enemy of love. That kills passion. Which promotes infidelity.
But is it really the routine capable of destroying all that? Or maybe we should hold our own attitude, inability to enjoy the present, stay alive, take care of our relationship?
The routine is inevitable, not only the couple but in life. Every day we follow dozens of routines that give order and structure to our daily lives. If every time we get up out of bed we had to do things differently, we would lose much time and energy we devote to freshen up, feed, work or interact with others.
Something similar happens within the couple. When a relationship is consolidated, we went from being two people with a small universe separate two inhabitants lives. We create new habits, complicities, ways of operating and bond.
The sensible thing we can do to get along with the routine is to learn to distinguish between positive, negative and routines necessary to strengthen the first, change or abandon the second and reconcile with the past.
positive or nutritional routines
The positive or constructive routines are those that help them to know each other better, connect with others, learn from him or her, relax or enjoy together. Here are some examples of routines to cultivate. Of course, you can create your own list and modify it if they feel that some of the activities that share has ceased to motivate them.
Dinner together with the phone off.
Enjoy Sunday brunch, relaxed and in pajamas.
Lunch regularly with family or friends.
Walks or exercise with a partner (and children, if available).
Make love often it aside without fatigue.
Fun together, doing something they both enjoy.
Cooking together, trying new recipes.
Make appointments to enjoy “couple time” as the beginning of their relationship.
negative or toxic routines
Negative or destructive routines are, of course, everything you do together but disgust, either by obligation, habit, laziness or inability to resist social or family pressure. For example
Do things together that do not really crave them, for fear of rejection of the couple. For example: go to the gym although one of the two do not like, or dinner with friends the other when they would rather stay home watching a movie.
Meet with friends or family whose company does not enjoy.
Do not discuss your feelings with the excuse that they are too tired or have a lot to do.
Divide chores unevenly and not to mention the discomfort they feel about it.
Having sex out of obligation or habit, without expressing their feelings.
How to make peace with the routine
While certainly the routine is more difficult to handle if you have long together, and if they have children, try not to blame their problems over time. Instead, seek to promote positive routines and release of toxic. And one more thing: identify boring routines but necessary for the “maintenance of the machine” which is a couple’s relationship. For example, housecleaning or meal planning. Try to make them as bearable as possible (if they can afford it, consider hiring someone to do the work while you enjoy its nutritional routines).
Finally, be honest with themselves: the blame for the problems, the heartbreak, the distance that stands between two people is not routine, but the attitude with which we face today and how we choose to live them.